God is healing my heart. In the past couple months alone He has taken me through mounds of forgiveness (mainly of myself); revealed a mass of insecurities, teaching me to put my security in Him; and taken me from self hatred to self love. He’s poured out His love on me and taught me to love in return.

He’s fully and finally become my One, my Only.

I am not the same person I was at the beginning of this year; I’m not the same person I was two weeks ago. When God begins a work He sees it through to completion.

I am healthier, happier than I have ever been in my entire life. And that’s Jesus.

This all sounds generic, clique even, (and as I writer I HATE that) but what else can I say? I have fallen more deeply in love with Christ. Realised fully for the first time His faithfulness, His perfect friendship.

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I’ve loved Jesus for most of my life but only at the age of 24 have I finally fallen completely head-over-heals in love with my awesome Savior.

This doesn’t mean I suddenly have everything together; no. I still have my struggles. I still have to remind myself daily that He is always there, that He will never leave, that He is perfect, that He is good, that He’s a better writer than I could ever hope to be. Speaking His truth has such power to change our perspectives.

My God is mighty to save! Not only from the consequences of sin (eternity away from His presence) but from your past, your insecurities, your enemies lies, your hurts, your struggles, your broken hearts. He’s bigger than it all. He’s our Healer, our Mighty Saviour.

This may all sound familiar, you’ve heard it a million times. But do you believe it? Have you experienced the healing power of your Creator?

Or have you lived in disbelief of His faithfulness to come through for you as I had for over twenty years? Sure, I knew all the right answers; sung all the right songs. But what meaning does my mouth express if my heart is unwilling to let Him work? He lives there, yes, but I’d chained Him up, restricted His access to only that which I deemed He could handle.

He wanted to be allowed into my junk, into my mess. Here’s the difference between transparency and intimacy: transparency means you see me; intimacy means you see into me.

Intimacy is scary stuff! I don’t want anyone to see in there!

But as I learned to trust Him and He began to heal me He’s taken out the trash, cleaned up the mess. It’s not as ugly in there as it once was.

My God heals.

My God heals.

Do you believe it?

Sacrifices. We idolize the word and yet fight its consequences.

When I was seventeen years old God took me through a process of giving my life over to Him—completely. This journey, I’m sad to say, took months. God asked me, “Would you die for Me?” and I could only answer no.

My no turned to yes during a missions trip to Honduras. Believing that God was going to literally bring me to a place where I would have to make this decision, I was terrified. This decision was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make.

That is, until this year, as I gradually come face-to-face with the reality of living a life solely devoted to God.

I knew this year was going to be one of the absolute best, hardest years of my life but knowledge and experience are two very different things.

I am reminded almost daily of how blessed I am to be living here in South Africa. I love South Africa. I love the people, I love the views, I love the work I’m able to do here, I love the feeling of being in the center of God’s will (there is no place quite like it). But I also miss home.

It still baffles my mind how these two polar opposite emotions can exist simultaneously in one mind. I’ve even gone so far as to experience feelings of guilt—guilt that if I’m missing home then that means I’m not appreciative of where I am; guilt that if I’m content here it means I don’t really love those back at home.

But, for the most part, I had been able to keep my emotions in check…that is, until I spent my first holiday away from home. Whew, that hit me pretty hard. Skype is a wonderful thing but it cannot allow you to live life with the people you miss so terribly.

You can’t give a hug through Skype, or receive one. You can’t chill on the couch and spend the afternoon simply in the other person’s presence. And even though they can see you, maybe even hear you, you still aren’t there…and you never will be.

I have had one constant best friend my entire life. Last Saturday, she got married…and I wasn’t there. I will never have been there. I will not show up in any photos. I will have no stories to tell. I missed eating the food, the cake, watching her get ready, watching her walk down the aisle, hearing the vows phonate from her lips.

I did see the wedding— I even had a front row seat—but I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for her on one of the most important days of her life. And it kills me.

Saying yes to God’s plans for me may have taken a lot of coaxing but being faced with the consequences has been almost unbearable.

Dealing with these consequences can be hard, even painful, but the consequences of saying no are far greater. It won’t be easy—you may even find yourself wanting to scream—but to be anywhere outside of the will of God…well, that’s just crazy.

Today my life will drastically change.

I’ve been waiting for this day for two years and now that it’s finally here I am stunned. This day of transition feels unreal; numb. I’m elated and yet completely out of my element.

I’m 24 years old and I still feel 18. But unlike when I was 18, now I’m sure of the world and my place in it.

Whenever I being to think, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?” I immediately remember January 18th, 2013—the day God revealed that South Africa was part of His plan for my life—and I know I couldn’t be doing anything else.

I accepted Christ when I was 6 and dedicated my life to the Lord on the mission field at 17. Every year I have given to Him but day to day distractions have too often come in the way.

I pray that this year will be different. I pray He takes a hold of my life in a way I’ve never experienced before.

I want this year to change me—completely.

Over the past two years God has shown me that there is a huge deficit in my trust of Him. He’s demonstrated His unconditional and faithful love and grace toward me. He’s proven His complete dominance and sovereignty again and again and again.

We’ve been working through quite a lot together and it has been downright painful more times than not but I’m so thankful for His patience and endurance.

When I think about how He will challenge me this year my stomach drops.

I don’t know if the past year was the hardest of my life or if it will be the next but, either way, this coming year is going to be monumental.

Just because this year is God’s will doesn’t mean it will be void of distractions or pain. I truly have no idea what I am getting myself into.

In the book, A Man Called Blessed, by Ted Dekker and Bill Bright, the character of Caleb equates faith and love to the action of jumping off a cliff.

“True love is found by stepping off the cliff…faith and love are bound together inseparably. If you don’t truly believe, you can’t truly love. If you don’t love, you can’t truly believe. Each is required for the other.”

“So if you don’t have belief, how are you expected to find love?”

“By doing the one thing man can do. By stepping off the cliff. When you step off the cliff, you learn very quickly to love the one who catches you.”

I absolutely love this analogy. It’s such a beautiful picture of what complete trust in God looks like in human terms. Stepping off a cliff goes against our basic survival instincts, it doesn’t come naturally.

This year is one of my cliffs. I’m afraid of the terror of the fall but confident in the One who has promised to catch me.

Today I step off this cliff by stepping on that plane.

Here goes nothing.